Back to Work Blues

This year, for the first time in my life I seem to have a love hate relationship with Spring.  This is unusual for me as I love all seasons.  I love the changes they bring and the different traditions associated with each.  I love Summer for the heat and long lazy days spent outside barbequing and usually having a cheeky tipple or two.  I love Autumn for the colourful leaves that scatter the ground and watching squirrels run around collecting their food stores for winter.  And Winter has all the excitement of getting wrapped up warm to brave the cold and of course Christmas.

However this year Spring is tinged with a slight sadness, I have to go back to work.  This means leaving Luca for 8 hours a day, 3 days a week which does not make me a happy mummy.  In an ideal world I would be a stay at home mummy until my children (hopefully there will be more in the future) have grown up and gone to school, but for me this isn’t a reality.  Luca has only ever spent one night without me so far and even then I was asleep in the next room, and I’ve only ever had a few hours without him during the day.  I’m not a clingy mummy and he isn’t a clingy baby, but I’ve never needed to be apart from him yet or had much opportunity (my parent’s house was flooded in June so they have been up in the air and haven’t really been able to have him).  So when the time comes when I do have to leave him for three days a week it will be very strange and hard for me I think.

He is starting to change every day and I’m scared I am going to miss things when I start working.  Luckily my amazing mum is going to have him on Mondays and I have found a fantastic childminder who lives just round the corner.  She takes lots of pictures and records everything he will be getting up to when I’m not there so I can see everything I miss but it won’t be the same.  I know he’ll love his days there but I am going to miss him immensely. 

I am envious of all those mummies who are lucky enough to be able to stay at home and raise their little cherubs everyday.  I have to go back to work so that I am able to afford to spoil him a little and take him places and show him the world.  We could afford to scrape by if I wanted to stay at home but I would have to sell my car and we wouldn’t be able to do all the things we would like to do with Luca such as his swimming lessons and taking him on day trips and holidays.  So I am sacrificing some hours with Luca during the week so that the hours we do have together we can be doing special things and believe me I have lots of things planned.